Weathering the storm

Today I realised it has been almost 10 months since this little pocket rocket (aka Sparky) came into my life.  After feeding the all the horses this morning I came to a strong realisation that I would miss him dearly if he were no longer a part of my life.  We had "Weathered the Storm".  Sparky had taken me through a whirl wind of emotions.  First the need to care and protect him.  Then the overwhelming sense that I may not be able to help him and that he may always pose as a possible threat to my physical well-being i.e a few bruises from the bites.  Finally, the need to let him just be and to see what would come of it.  I used many methods to try and reach this little boy who seemed so intent on being near me but at the same time defending himself by biting and barging (even though I was not asking him to do anything).  We made it to some solid ground together when we applied the trust method early on in the piece.  However his default behaviour shined through and he would return to his biting and barging.  I have to admit there were times I had considered that I would need to let him go.  That I could not offer what he seemed to need.  I think the inner child in me could not come to the same choice as my adult mind and so Sparky remained.  Finally I decided to tell him that I had no expectations of him and he could choose what he wanted.  More recently though I had thought to change his name  to help him settle but I just couldn't do it.  I felt as though I was not accepting him but was acutely aware that my safety needed to fit in here too.  Time, he just needed more time, would continually play through my head.  So that is what he got time.   I had a friend remind me of the phrase "stop it, I don't like it"  and I used this with Sparky over the last week.  He responded very well.  I had also asked him that when or if he was ever interested in joining the other horses in working with people he just needed  to show me.  That very weekend he did.  He eyeballed all the participants during at the  waterhole gathering up by the fence, peering under the top fence post to get a good view and stayed around for a beautiful scratching session from one of the ladies.  This week I hadn't even noticed how he just stayed close in my presence.  No biting, no barging just being which brought me to the realisation that not only I but also Sparky had weathered the storm.  He is young and maybe it has been a long time since I had a young horse in my life but maybe he just needed to know that he was safe and wanted.  Either way, I suspect he will continue to grow and test things like all youngsters and I will continue to learn and be curious about what is happening.  I am glad that I had applied a trauma lens to Sparky (4 homes in 3 years) - it allowed me to keep him central in mind and be curious about all the different behaviours and signs but most of all it allowed for time.  Time for him and I to really connect, to feel safe with each and to trust.  Sparky aka pocket rocket - Thank you for your teachings and here's to growing with you.  For those who may think I am quite mad for talking with the horses - remember they may not understand my words but they definitely understand my tone and my energy.  Wishing you all the growth from any storm you may have weathered.